Tomato like chicken

Tomato like chicken

Tomato like chicken

Batchalors - Because the stay in Batches

Funny Captions

Domestic Flight Checkin Timings - revised in India

What is maximum time limit for Check-in at Indian Domestic Temninals

As per the latest Government Guidelines, check-in counters at domestic terminals across India will now close 45 minutes before flight departure.

We request you to kindly make a note of this Government Guideline and plan your commute to the airport accordingly.

Jokes from Email

 

 

Dad to Tintu mon:

When I beat you how did you control your anger?
Tintumon: I start cleaning the toilet.
Dad: How does that satisfy you?
Tintumon: I clean it with your tooth brush.

TintuMon 2 God: Plz give me 1 bag full of money, a job and 1 big vehicle
full of girls.
God: Bless u!
Today Tintu Mon is the bus conductor of a Girls College .


Dad: Do u know how 2 swim?
Tintumon: No.
Dad: A dog is better than u! It can swim.
Tintumon: So do u know how 2 swim?
Dad: For sure!
Tintumon: Then, what's the difference between u and a dog?


Tintumon called FM radio & said
"I've found a purse with Rs.15000/- a credit card & an ID card of
Mr.Mani, No.13,Halls rd,kannur….
Radio jocky : How honest ….so you want to return his purse…?
Tintumon : no……. i just wanted to dedicate a sad song for him…  

Father and tintumon were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo.
The father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and
tintumon was taking it all in with a serious expression.
"Dad," tinumon said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you
up …"
"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.
"What bus should I take home?" tinumon finished.


Tintumon was asked to write a sign board for the traffic near the school.
He wrote"Drive carefully! Don't kill the students, wait for the teachers"

prof:chemical symbol of Barium?
Tintumon:BA
prof:For sodium?
Tintumon:NA
prof:wat will we get if 1 atom of BA & 2 atom of NA combines?
tintumon:"BANANA"  


·         PASSIVE VOICE
teacher: Write the passive voice of " I made a mistake"
tintumon: " I was made by a mistake"



Tintumon went to his Dad's Friend's home late night.
Uncle offered him to Sleep in Baby's room.
Tintumonrefused because the Baby might Cry at Night and went to sleep in the drawing hall.
Next morning he saw a Beautiful young Girl at the breakfast table,
Tintumon: Who are you?
The girl replied,"I am Baby and You??"
Tintumon: I am a Stupid!!!




PROFESSOR  
A professor to tintumon: "what is attention deficit hyperactive disorder?"
tintumon: "JIMBALAKDI BAMBA"
professor: "i dont understand anything"
tintumon: "same 2 you"



PTA Meeting  
Tintumon: Dad, there is a small PTA meeting at school tomorrow…..
Dad: Wat do u mean by a small PTA meeting ?
Tintumon: its… just u, me & the Principal !




Techy Tintumon  

Teacher: Write a C program to prevent TITANIC from sinking..
Tintumon:Declare the variable TITANIC as float…!  

 

An IT professional's Appointment with Vet

 Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor in India and said:

Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself
treated fully within this period.

Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic,
see that board.

Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only

Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal
specialist. I do not treat human beings.

Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only...

Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk
like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.

Man: I know I am a human but litsen to my complaints first:

Doctor: OK. Tell me.

Man:

I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.

I get up in the morning like a horse

I go to work running like a deer

I work all the day like a donkey

I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.

I wag my tail in front of all my bosses

I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.

I am like a rabbit before my wife

Doctor: are you an engineer?

Man: Yes

Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me
in the begining itself that you are are an engineer. Come man, no one can treat you better than me.

An Appeal to Stop Arab Sex Tourism

There is a big network which operates in Hyderabad for 'selling' the poor Muslim girls to Arab Sheiks in the name of Nikkah

Say 'No' to marriage with Sheikhs

The entire process is well organized in Hyderabad and it is well entrenched in society. The needs and helplessness of the poor parents are known to the locals and middle men who make contact with parents and exploit them. The Sheikhs who arrive in the city stay in local hotels and hunt for girls and soon are contacted by the middle men and a deal is struck. Most of the time a paltry sum is paid to the parents and Nikkah is arranged. The Kazi (The Muslim priest) conducts the marriage and documents are prepared. Many times the girl’s age is altered as some of them are minors and fake documents showing legal/acceptable age are prepared. Thus they try to escape when given Police complaint.

Parents are happy that the girl is married off to a wealthy sheikh but tragedy awaits them soon. The old Sheikh fit to be a father or grand father to the girl consummates the marriage in some hotel and satisfies his lust. It is also not known how many of these old crooks from Arab lands suffer from HIV and other venereal ailments. In the darkness of night they probably pass on the ailments to the unsuspecting brides. There are instances when girls below 13 years are married off to Sheikhs as old as 70 years. However on documents age is shown correct as per provisions. Tragedy unveils on the families when they find that the Sheikh has disappeared all of a sudden leaving the girl to winds. In a recent case that came to light, an impoverished Muslim family married off their daughter to an Arab Sheikh for a meager amount of Rs. 5000 ( US $100), offered through a broker.

 Sadly seven out of eight MLAs from the old city are from Majlis-e Ittihad al-Muslimin (MIM)
The MP, Asaduddin_Owaisii is the most educated among the community and a darling of media. None of these people's representatives have taken any step in stopping this crime. Sheiks fly in and fly-out of the country ruining young Indian women

Octopus PeaL (aka PL) earns I.T Professionals Wrath

Octopus PeaL (aka PL) has earned thr wrath of  I.T Professionals by selecting the Offshore Box, which shuts the doors for professionals travelling to onsite.

Octopus Astrology for IT Professionals

Needless to say the Octopus has been given enough security at Office

RBI announcement - Alteration in Cheques

Alteration in Cheques

Cheque - change of payee name is not allowed - RBI rules

Cheque - change of amount is not allowed - RBI rules

Secret Door/ Passageway in Hotels

Secret Door/ Passageway in Hotels are used for sending / receiving guests, their accomplices etc from one room to another without public view

Here I got a chance to be in such a room - one for the guest and another was a suite

Secret Door/ Passageway in Hotels

Spicejet Flight Landing on Rainy Day Pictures

Lawyers and Grandma Jokes

Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they
aren't  prepared for the answer!

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.    He approached her and asked; "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a  big disappointment to me.. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate  people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a  big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will  amount to anything more than a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know  you.."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney (the opponent's lawyer)?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a  drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone  and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to  mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of  them was your wife. ..Yes I know him." 

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet  voice said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me,  I'll send you to jail for contempt of court !!!

UK Elections Live Results

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/shared/election2010/results/

Conservatives are ahead by Popular Vote

Consevatives have raced ahead of Labor .. At present consevatives have got 30.6% against Labor's 30.1%. Labor, however, leads by seats 61 - 55

Where the Lib Dems have gone

Yes .. Britain is not America! this is what the results show. Nick Clegg might be the darling of the media, the way Americans think but the voters have thought otherwise

Currently Lib Dems have got six seats (down by one)

Greece! Is it the beginning of the End of Capitalism

The Greek empire has fallen again. This time not by Romans or Turks but Greeks themselves are responsible for the fall of Greece.

Greed == Greece

If there is any word synonmyous with Greece today it is Greed. Their economy is not suitable for a capitalist economy and their people and policies are downright socialistic. It is a surprise that such a country gets into capitalist bandwagon and get gang raped

There is no future for Greece! It might be harsh but it is True. Greeks now have to follow their capitalistic bosses and beg for their living for another decade. It might take years for Greece to shape itself.

Sachin Go Puja - Sachin and anjali Puja

Sachin Go Puja -

Sachin and Lata Mangeshwar Photograph

Sachin and Lata Mangeshwar Photograph

Sachin Tendulkar - Family with Anjali and Children

Sachin Tendulkar - Family with Anjali and Children

Sachin Birthday Party Photo

Sachin Birthday Party Photo

Katrina Kaif's Sister

Katrina Kaif's SisterKatrina Kaif's SisterKatrina Kaif's Sister

Katrina Kaif's Sister

Katrina Kaif's Sister

Katrina Kaif's Sister

Katrina Kaif's Sister

Sachin Exclusive Photos

Sachin Exclusive Photos


Sachin Tendulkar Photos

Sachin Eating food with children

Sachin Exclusive Photos

Women Pub Behavior Photo

Women Pub Behavior Photo

The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average". Kumar: What? How come 'average'? Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge. Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant. Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year. Kumar: What??? Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain. Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing. Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything. Kumar: Huh? *Confused* Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills. Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember? Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication. Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused* Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it. Kumar: *head spinning* Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months. Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide. Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'. Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year? Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear. Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead. Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'. Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating? Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down. Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'? Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process! Kumar: *faints*

 

Sardar Jokes

Sardar : My mobile bill how much?
Call Centre Girl : Sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar : Stupid, not CURRENT BILL MY MOBILE BILL.

************************************************************

Friend : I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar : Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!

************************************************************

Teacher : Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar : ZEBRA
Teacher : How?
Sardar : Bcoz it is Black & White

***********************************************************

Judge : Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court..
Sardar to judge : U R coming daily, don't U have shame?

***********************************************************

Question : "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied : "No!
35 Children R More than Enough!!"

***********************************************************

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager : Do U know MS Office?
Sardar : If U give me the address I will go there sir.

**********************************************************

Sardar got a sms from his girl friend: "I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied: "I Mr YOU" !!.

**********************************************************

After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's
Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said:
"Torch is okay"

**********************************************************

Sardar1: Oye, what will happen if electricity is not discovered?
Sardar2: Nothing, we must watch TV in candle light.

**********************************************************

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .... While its landing he shouted: " Bombay
... Bombay "
Air hostess said : "B silent."
Sardar : "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"

**********************************************************

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!

***********************************************************

Sir : What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar : Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE

************************************************************

Indian BPOs losing out to Latin American ones

India, once the preferred location for foreign companies to set up business process outsourcing centres (BPOs), is literally losing its voice. Experts point to the shortage of quality workforce in the voice-based BPO industry, which has driven many IT companies, including TCS and Wipro, overseas. Companies are attracted to the ready availability of superior voice talent in Latin American countries like Brazil, Mexico, Argentina and Peru, making them new BPO hotspots. IBM, TCS, Accenture and Unisys have already set up centres in the region.

Recently, Wipro Technologies opened its new global delivery centre at Curitiba in Brazil to serve global and domestic clients. The Curitiba centre will extend Wipro’s IT and BPO portfolio, serving about 20 clients.

Indian IT Companies Salary Hike 2010 / TCS Salary Hike 2010

TCS Salary Hike 2010

The following calculator provides the result of Salary hike (in local currency) for FY 2010-11. Please save the excel as workbook and use it.

(This website doesnot collect any personal information - unless you brag in comments)

http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AmJt4ChoNSkGdEUtT1JHc0VuVnZmM0pjejB4Znh2U3c&hl=en





Infosys Salary Hike 2010, Wipro Salary Hike 2010, Accenture Salary Hike 2010, Patni Salary Hike 2010,


IBM Salary Hike 2010

CapGemini Salary Hike 2010

Microsoft Salary Hike 2010

Google Salary Hike 2010

Satyam Salary Hike 2010

HCL Salary Hike 2010

TCS Onsite Salary Hike 2010

Infosys Onsite Salary Hike 2010

Infosys Pay Hike 2010, Wipro Pay Hike 2010, Accenture Pay Hike 2010, Patni Pay Hike 2010,


IBM Pay Hike 2010

CapGemini Pay Hike 2010

Microsoft Pay Hike 2010

Google Pay Hike 2010

Satyam Pay Hike 2010

HCL Pay Hike 2010

TCS Onsite Pay Hike 2010

Infosys Onsite Pay Hike 2010

Why are there more suicides in Infosys

Stress taking its toll in IT Industry

More and more suicides are reported from Narayan Murthy founded Infosys - The IT Bellwether of India

Most of the times the blame is on stress. Can a company with around 100,000 employees handle stress in a different way.

When I spoke on this issue with some in IT Community, they told that it was not Infy that kills people, it is their immediate superioirs who keep the pressure on sub-ords. The sub-ords mostly young are unable to handle the pressure and simply take the extreme step.

Though the above argument has some meat, still the superiors are Infosys (or generally any other company's) employees and they have to be trained to handle the stress and not to pass on.

Don't forget that there were more cases of sucides by Program managers and Project Managers ... Whom to blame?

BALLAYYA RESUME

BALLAYYA RESUME

Name: Balakrishna (alias Balayya)

AIM : To make the audience run away from theaters

Experience: 30 years industry

Junior Artist - 1974 (with 1 hit, 9 flops)

side role- 1979(14 flops)

Lead role- 1986- till date( 4 hits, 44 flops)

Skills: moving trains (Palnati brahmanaidu), climbing Mt. Everest

(Vijayendra varma), shooting a bullet from mouth (Allari pidugu),

playing with current (Okka magadu), etc.

Expectations: min. 5 crores for each film

Achievements: world records in flops

Role Model: Captain Vijayakanth,the Telugu Tiger of Tamil Nadu.

Project Details--
1. Bike riding on ground and in air
2. Climbing any mountain with hands
3. Pulling chair front and sending train back with hand signals

Leadership skills--

Led 12564 hens and cocks to attack the enemies and won the battle.

Special Attraction--

1.hitting thigh (Thoda Kottadam)

2.having laser eye (Kanti Chuputho champaysatha)

3.senseless talking in functions, interviews

Conclusion:

Balayya went to a library and asked for a book "Psycho The Rapist".

The Librarian searched for hours and came back ...slapped Balayya and said,

"Idiot, the book is called Psychotherapist ".

IBM Layoffs - 1,000 US Employees

IBM cut more than a thousand workers Monday in its first round of mass layoffs this year, according to an organization tracking the company's actions.

Workers were all abuzz on Alliance@IBM's Web site on Monday morning as they reported about "resource actions" taken by managers at various IBM locations around the country.

By late afternoon, Alliance@IBM, an organization that seeks to organize IBM workers, confirmed through resource action packages -- human resource documents identifying job cuts -- that the company laid off at least 1,052 workers, or about 1 percent of IBM's 105,000-person U.S. work force. IBM workers forwarded the information to Alliance@IBM.

The company's U.S. headquarters at Durham'sResearch Triangle Park was affected in at least three departments, according to workers posting on Alliance.


Last March, IBM also reportedly planned to lay off 5,000 U.S. workers after having cut 4,000 software and sales workers in January 2009.

Hyundai recalls many cars due to lock faults

Hyundai recalls new Sonata due to lock faults

The South Korean automaker announced the voluntary recall after earlier saying it would suspend U.S. sales of its 2011 Sonata, a move analysts said was in contrast to Toyota's sluggish response to concerns about sudden unintended acceleration.

"Recalls have become a highly sensitive issue since Toyota's recall," said Yim Eun-young, an analyst at Dongbu Securities.

"Hyundai seems to have decided to deal with these issues as fast as they can."

Hyundai, which was the only major automaker to increase sales in the battered U.S. market last year, has targeted Toyota customers rattled by the acceleration problems linked to dozens of crashes and the recall of more than 8.5 million vehicles.

Shares in Hyundai Motor fell as much as 4.3 percent in early Wednesday trading and ended down 2.6 percent versus a 1 percent drop in the wider market. The stock had risen 13 percent since Toyota's recall woes spiraled in January.

Stephen Ahn, auto analyst at LIG Investment & Securities in Seoul, said the recall would undermine Hyundai's image at a time when customers were sensitive to quality following Toyota's mass recall.

"But given that the flawed part is a not a key function such as the accelerator, powertrain or electronic controls, it will have little impact on Hyundai's sales," he said.

The Sonata and Elantra are the two top selling models for Hyundai, the world's No.4 carmaker with affiliate Kia Motors Corp.

"We have upgraded quality problems to a safety problem and decided to make a voluntary recall," the company said in an emailed statement in Korean.

NO RIPPLE EFFECT

The recall will affect about 1,300 of the 2011 Sonata sedans built through February 16 at Hyundai's plant in Alabama and sold to customers, plus 46,000 YF Sonata units produced through December 6 in South Korea. The new model started to be sold from September 2009 in South Korea and this month in the United States.

Hyundai notified dealers late on Monday of potential faults in the front-door latches of the new model that could affect 5,000 vehicles, and the stop-sale order was put into effect at U.S. dealers on Tuesday, a spokesman said.

It will notify South Korea's transport ministry and the U.S. National Highway Traffic Safety Administration this week of the decision to recall the cars in March.

The company said it received complaints from customers but no reports of accidents or injuries related to the model.

The South Korean automaker is targeting 4.5 percent market share in the United States this year, helped by popular new product launches and aggressive marketing.

Hyundai plans to launch the new Accent and a revamped Elantra this year, which competes against the Corolla and Honda's Civic.

With the new models, Hyundai aims to increase global sales in 2010 by 11 percent to 3.46 million vehicles.

Hyundai's U.S. sales rose 8.3 percent to 435,064 units in 2009, while industrywide U.S. sales fell 21 percent. Its U.S. market share increased to 4.2 percent from 3 percent in 2008